Low Contact
&
No Contact
&
No Contact
When it comes to dealing with abusive people who do not accept responsibility for their actions, in the great majority of cases, mental health professionals will recommend significantly reducing or eliminating contact entirely.*
It is worth noting that the majority of people who choose low contact (LC) do progress soon after to no contact (NC). Low contact often becomes a temporary stepping stone or a kind of trial period along the way to no contact, but not always.
Each person's situation is unique; however, it's common for toxic individuals (narcissists who engulf and borderline people, especially) to rail against your choices and bring out the very worst behavior of which they are capable as soon as they begin realizing your intention to reduce or stop contact. A number of narcissists, especially, accept decisions to limit contact all too easily; however, many toxic people become disruptive and manipulative soon after in an attempt to regain control. (Typically, after a period of time - usually a number of weeks or months - they do give up and stop soliciting unwanted contact and manipulating.)
Witnessing increasingly bad behavior has a way of resolving the denial, apprehension and guilt when choosing to limit contact with a toxic person. This increase in unacceptable behavior typically confirms for the person pulling away that they have made the right decision.
Low Contact is undefined; however, if you are significantly limiting contact in comparison to what would be expected, you are considered to be LC.
NC, however, is very clearly defined, with very specific practices attached to it. Receiving information through third parties, listening to voice mail messages, opening cards and letters, accepting gifts for your children, and attending functions where the NC party is present are not considered NC, but forms of LC.
Many toxic people can and do use every possible opportunity to unrelentingly work their way back in and manipulate people into paying attention to them again, often just to prove they can: a gift for your son has an unexpected note inside promising him he can spend the holidays at his abusive grandparents' place, and that they will take him out and buy him whatever he wants, even though they know you have said you won't be visiting. The voice mail left at your work tells you that something just awful that you need to know about right away has happened. (If you call back, it will turn out that an old neighbor you haven't seen or spoken to in 10 years has divorced). There's a message from enabling Uncle Jim saying your narcissistic father is at the hospital, but he doesn't say what for, and you rush there to find out dad has received three stitches and a couple of Tylenol for a little cut on his finger.
These tactics do not last forever, and typically, they will eventually stop altogether (sooner if the person initiating NC does not waver in their resolve, as this has a way of setting the process back).
Because people with toxic personalities can be so unrelenting and so obsessed with getting attention and submission and creating drama, if what you want is to completely stop all their manipulation, all their games, all their abuse and all their crazy making -- preventing all contact (even indirect contact) permanently is the most highly recommended way to effectively do that.
Click Here For
"How To Go No Contact"
*Those who think they may possibly be dealing with someone
capable of causing harm should always seek police assistance.
capable of causing harm should always seek police assistance.
www.lightshouse.org Copyright 2010. All Rights Reserved.