Do you attend dysfunctional functions? Have friends you can’t rely on? Family who doesn’t value your many contributions?
Well, who, really, is worthy of your time?
Nobody’s perfect. You make mistakes with family and friends — we all do. You may still be struggling with some dysfunctional patterns from upbringing, and you’re wondering when you’ll ever measure up to what you feel you should.
However, you always make your best effort, you stand by your friends and family, and you look at your behavior, even when it’s not-so-good. You are able to try recognizing things you need to change, and if you do something insensitive, you acknowledge it and make amends.
What about the other side of the equation, though? Are you receiving the same? Are you always the first to apologize or forgive? Usually the only one who acknowledges your part in a conflict? The only one trying to make things work?
But, enough about you…
Stop for a minute and think about someone else. Pick somebody you think needs a little looking at. Now check out this list of three key things to consider when evaluating relationships:
1. Do you feel consistently cared about by this person? Or are there times when you are left guessing, or scrambling to earn their good graces, or feeling “just not good enough” for them?
2. Do they honestly acknowledge their responsibilities in disagreements? Can they genuinely apologize, without being made to?
3. Do they sometimes view you as “competition”? Does it feel like they sometimes treat you as their enemy?
The above behaviors are most characteristic of the following 4 personality disorders:
With the exception of BPD, these disorders are not highly treatable, so it’s a good idea to look much more closely at the behaviors of any person for whom you answered yes on a question above — and carefully reconsider how much time you are spending in their presence.