And why do they do it…
There are 3 kinds of controlling people:
People who try to control others for the power.
People who try to control others because they’re highly anxious.
People who try to control others for both reasons.
Power controllers like to push other people around. Controlling others satisfies their need to feel superior and capable of getting whatever they want. They ignore the needs and feelings of others, and they are driven solely by their own desires. They lack empathy and view others as inferior or burdensome. Power controllers are often narcissistic or sociopathic.
Anxious Controllers are nervous types who obsess over small matters, to the point of feeling they have to control everything, often including others. They have difficulty sharing power out of the fear that delegating tasks will lead to inferior results. Minor details loom large in the mind of the anxious controller, and they typically have difficulty with things like finishing things on time and accepting imperfection. Anxious controllers often have Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Not to be confused with OCD, OCPD is the most common personality disorder. Roughly 8% of people have OCPD, and it is moderately treatable with therapy.
Note: While this article focuses on the toxic/personality disordered controller, control issues that are caused by dysfunctional childhoods and/or anxiety disorders are also common, and these are successfully treatable with skilled assistance. Seek the help of a qualified therapist to resolve any such issues.
Rarer than the above types, the combination Anxious/Power controller is a mix of the above two descriptions, controlling for both the satisfaction of their ego or personal gain, sometimes for reasons of perfectionism and need to have things a certain way.
- Are You a Control Freak? Take This Quiz!
- For people with OCPD and their loved ones: OCPD Online Support
- For adult children of narcissistic, sociopathic and OCPD Parents: Light’s House
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