Jul 11
4

Control Freaks

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And why do they do it…

There are 3 kinds of controlling people:

People who try to control others for the power.
People who try to control others because they’re highly anxious.
People who try to control others for both reasons.

Power Controllers

Power controllers like to push other people around. Controlling others satisfies their need to feel superior and capable of getting whatever they want. They ignore the needs and feelings of others, and they are driven solely by their own desires. They lack empathy and view others as inferior or burdensome. Power controllers are often narcissistic or sociopathic.

Anxious Controllers

Anxious Controllers are nervous types who obsess over small matters, to the point of feeling they have to control everything, often including others. They have difficulty sharing power out of the fear that delegating tasks will lead to inferior results. Minor details loom large in the mind of the anxious controller, and they typically have difficulty with things like finishing things on time and accepting imperfection. Anxious controllers often have Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Not to be confused with OCD, OCPD is the most common personality disorder. Roughly 8% of people have OCPD, and it is moderately treatable with therapy.

Note: While this article focuses on the toxic/personality disordered controller, control issues that are caused by dysfunctional childhoods and/or anxiety disorders are also common, and these are successfully treatable with skilled assistance. Seek the help of a qualified therapist to resolve any such issues.

Anxious/Power Controllers

Rarer than the above types, the combination Anxious/Power controller is a mix of the above two descriptions, controlling for both the satisfaction of their ego or personal gain, sometimes for reasons of perfectionism and need to have things a certain way.

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RELATED LINKS:
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Are You a Control Freak? Take This Quiz!

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For people with OCPD and their loved ones: OCPD Online Support

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For adult children of narcissistic, sociopathic and OCPD Parents: Light’s House

You are visiting Light’s Blog. The rest of Light’s House is here.

Cutting off Toxic and Abusive People

People Who Talk Too Much

Toxic Grandparents

Tags: bossy, control freak, controlling, controlling people, micromanager, narcissist, never satisfied, ocpd, people, perfectionist, personality disorder, picky, power trip, sociopath

This entry was posted on July 4, 2011 at 1:12 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Posted in Dealing With Toxic People Narcissism OCPD Personality Disorders Psychology Things Toxic People Do by Light 2 Comments

Kim says:

March 20, 2012 at 11:00 pm

You know, I love your blog. I come back to it periodically as it gives me affirmation that I’m not the only one dealing with narcissists in my life. LOL.

But in reference to this subject about control freaks, I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My psychotherapist deemed me as the scapegoat of my family, so at least now I have a better understanding of what my role was and why I am the way I am. In my younger years, I went from relationship to relationship and all my boyfriends told me I was a control freak. I didn’t understand why. I finally went to a psychiatrist who put me on prozac and sent me to counseling. Long story short, they helped me understand that since I grew up with all that chaos in my life, my need to “control” everything was not unusual – it was my way of keeping things in order and in essence my way of coping with that environment. Thankfully, I understood why I was that way, learned to let go of my past and have grown beyond my old self and into a healthier version — with non controlling behaviors. I tease my husband that he doesn’t know how good he has it – my boyfriends before him didn’t have the refined version of me. LOL.

I thought I’d share so that others can also understand that if you have been called a control freak, sometimes it’s a matter of seeing a counselor to understand why – and you don’t have to worry about being diagnosed with narcissism because that’s not always the case.

I was leary of seeing a psychiatrist at the time – a close friend of mine talked me into it, but it’s the best thing I did and I’m a much happier person because of it.

Now if only I could get my in laws to see someone about their narcissism…and yes, they are major control freaks. Our psychotherapist uses the term “Enmeshment” to describe their family unit…no boundaries from one person to the next, the constant involvement in our lives, telling us how to live, who to be, how to act (because being and acting and living like them is what they want).

I’m rambling.

Thanks for the blog. I enjoy reading your posts.

Light says:

March 21, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Hi Kim — thanks for the reminder that not all people with control issues are toxic controllers, and can make changes with skilled help. There’s not much hope for narcissistic controllers or the sociopathic ones. Those disorders aren’t very treatable. But, for people who control things because of anxiety, there’s a lot of effective treatment available. It sounds like you got the help you needed to nip it in the bud!

I think I’ll add a little something to the article to clarify about the issue you’ve raised. I appreciate your input; it’s hard sometimes to get an objective enough view on your own writing to make sure you address all the most important points, so your feedback was helpful. Thanks!